Blogetry

Hello Goodbye

5/25/2012

Long time friend,

Haven’t said this word

For a long time

But here we are,

Saying hello,

Hello goodbye.

It’s a time

I never hoped would come or,

Ever thought would actually happen.

But it’s time to

Accept the terms

Of goodbye, what it means.

It implies that we’ll never say,

Say hello again.

Hello goodbye.

Never thought I’d meet

This word once more.

Hello goodbye.

A meeting I wish would not

Happen, but it must

For any resemblance of happiness to bloom

Become strangers now.

Become distant from each other.

Hello goodbye.

Goodbye, to a love.

Goodbye, to a life.

Hello, goodbye.

Conflicted

4/19/12

Don’t know,

Which way to go.

It’s either this or that

Way but deciding is my problem.

I can’t make out

Which is the most important

Priorities so screwed up in my head

I just can’t figure out what I need to do.

Yelled at

And that makes

Things worse, makes the

Situation more complicated.

Starts small

But then grows

And grows until everything

I just so out of control, out of my hands.

I didn’t

Intend for it

To be this way but

I just feel so conflicted.

When living

Is a hard thing to do

And dying seems the greatest reward

It doesn’t make sense to give me the means.

Short,

Then longer

Are our conversations

Then so long it doesn’t even makes sense as to how we got to where we are right now.

But you don’t

Even care the next day.

It is all just another brick in

My tomb, another piece of fortification.

Somebody

4/14/12

I want to be somebody,

Somebody you know

Not somebody you used to know

Or just another somebody

I want to be somebody,

Somebody special

I want to know

I’m yours

Somebody might say

I’m just a nobody

I’ll say I’m a somebody

But you’ll just say I’m everything

It will mean so much to me

This path we lead together

Side by side, while somebody apart

Together we’re one-body

Not a prize won and put away

Rather a gift to each other

Used but not abused

We live each day

But I don’t know you yet

And someday, someday

Somebody will say something to me,

You’re my everything

Redo

4/7/12

I call foul

I want a redo

Another try

To get this right

I wouldn’t do that

Or let this go on

I’d stop it

From happening

Who do you think

You are to stop me

Who do you think

You are to give me permission

I can do what I will

I don’t need you

To allow or deny me

I am my own

I call foul

I want a redo

Another try

To get this right

Whether on my part

Or yours

I want another chance

Another try to get things right

No strife

But with all the lessons learned

Can’t be

We must live with the agony

Yet we don’t need

The pain to go on

We don’t need

The hurt to thrive

I call foul

I want a redo

Another try

To get this right

I cry out quiet

For crying out loud

Is not my style

It’s for once in a while

I stand up

I stand down

I stray away

I go to find

I’m not a goof

I’m not a fool

I’m only here to be

Something more than me

I call foul

I want a redo

Another try

To get this right

Places Beyond

3/31/12

A place.

A dark place.

Somewhere I haven’t been for awhile.

I am

Here now, again.

Somewhere I never wanted to be again.

I know

More than before

About this dimly lit cell of my own creation.

I cry.

I lie down.

I try to keep positive and move on in life.

It works.

But not in

Every instance, I must admit I give in this time.

Make order

Of the disorderly.

Make sense of what makes no sense at all.

I know

That it is

My decision to make do or make dreams true.

I try

To not keep

It all hidden, but to open up still seems, crazy.

Places beyond

Lie farther away

From this dark place I’ve found myself in once more.

There are

Places far beyond,

Away from this dark place, a world in the light.

Places beyond,

Can’t possibly be

Near at hand, for they must be earned.

One must

Gain the honor

Of attaining those places beyond, those places of light.

Places beyond,

Are where I

Want to be, what I wish to see, how I want to be.

I’m Alright

3/25/12

Da, dada dumdum

Hummin’ a beat

Singin’ a song

Whistlin’ a tune

A song stuck in my head

A beat my feet can’t stop tapping to

Movin’ my mouth,

To the words of the song,

Singin’ along silently

Lips goin’ but no sound

Comin’ out

Not a single shout

Lookin’ like a mime

Out of time, trapped in the box

With no air

My voice snubbed

But the tongue doesn’t know

It keeps goin’, puttin’ on its own little show

A fun little piece

Flowing from my body

Everything is fine, yeah I’m alright

Time Piece

(finished 3/5/12)

He ran into the small shop just as another lightning bolt flashed followed by a thunderclap.

The clerk looked up from his duties of wiping down the glass counter top with watches beneath.

He shook his umbrella off in the doorway and then wiggled the rest of himself to get the excess water off of his coat.

The clerk smiled at the prospect of receiving a customer in this weather.

He closed the umbrella and used an attached plastic slider to contain the water that would otherwise wet the floor. Then he began his search through the shop. In truth, he’d run in to get a break from the storm. He had no interest in this man’s merchandise.

The clerk had things lain about in an odd manner, but all to his advantage. The fancier pieces of jewelry and accessories were placed amongst the shabbier ones. This gave the shabby ones a look of intended wear and tear, whereas in truth, they were just tag sale material.

He continued walking around the small shop, drying off and warming up; feigning interest in a couple items, he would pick them up make faces and replace the item carefully. Then something caught his eye.

The clerk watched as the man roamed his store. He couldn’t pin down the man’s curiosity so as to remove a rather expensive trinket from the glass case to try and sell it to him. Sure, he would soon find something that gave away what he was looking for. The clerk would then find the best item he had and showcase it for the man to see.

Still walking around, feeling a bit better but not quite ready to go back into the rain and the cold, he continued his faux interest in different items. Then something caught his eye. He wasn’t quite sure of its purpose, but it was a small hourglass, sans the sand. The time piece, no longer than his finger and no wider than his thumb, stood on its side in a velvet cloth so it wouldn’t role.

The clerk saw the man take interest in something, but a shelf of vintage hats blocked his view of what caught the man’s gaze. The area the man was in contained various items so the clerk couldn’t even guess as to what the man was intrigued by. There were watches, bracelets, rings, earrings and even some feathers, stones and phone cases on the couple of tables by the east wall where the man stood.

He heard a sudden squeak of the cleaner under the clerk’s rag. He turned and looked at the clerk. They shared the pleasantry smile. He turned his attention back toward the tiny hourglass in t he only slightly larger velvet lined glass case.

She rushed into the shop, much in the same manner as the man had. Only, she had but a raincoat to protect her. Pulling back the hood, she shook off in the doorway.

His gaze went from the hourglass to the new customer and back to the hourglass. He bent over to get a better view. Her shoes squeaked as they left puddles in her wake. His hadn’t. He wore the right shoes for the occasion. She must’ve had on rubber boots. She seemed like that kind of girl.

This new prospective customer, maybe the same age as the man, went in the opposite direction of the store. She must be here for something eccentric. But the man, he was still curious as to what he was staring at. Shifting his position as to try and get a better look, he resigned to leaving the counter. Lifting a section of the counter so as to pass through, he was at an even bigger disadvantage as to seeing what the man surveyed.

He thought about picking up the case to look at the hourglass from the other side, but decided against it. There was sure to be a latch at either end to insert a bit of sand. The thing would be useless otherwise. Something moved in the corner of his eye. A bird suddenly fluttered to life in its cage some ten feet away; hanging from the ceiling just behind the counter.

She was so interested by all the items that she couldn’t quite stay in one section of the store for more than a few seconds. Having seen everything but the table that the man currently stood in front of, she was anxious for him to move on. Her mouth twitched with anticipation of what kept his attention. When the bird shook his cage, she looked up at the common pet bird and quickly looked back at the man. He had taken only a moment to look at the bird before he redirected his attention.

            The woman was acting a bit strange. She had paused in her activities and watched the man. It was weird, but nothing short of what he himself had been doing the whole time. Having made it to the center of the store, the clerk could see the woman near the counter, and the man in the front corner of the store. A couple more steps to his right and the clerk would be able to see the table of which the man had taken such interest.

            But what use would he have for a small hourglass such as this one. It was a trinket to look at for a second, nothing more. Yet it had kept his attention for a couple minutes, so far. With no intention of letting this item steal his focus any longer, he moved to his right. His first step in a few minutes, he moved around the shelf with vintage hats and made his way toward the counter.

            She began to rush towards the man’s last location. The spot where he’d been since she’d arrived.

            The clerk, disappointed in that the man moved before he could get a chance to figure out exactly what had held his position for so long, was startled as the woman rushed over to the very spot the man had just left. She felt her arm nudge, something.

            Before the clerk could say anything, the rack began to tip. He caught it before any of the shirts had a chance to fall off their hangers.

            He turned around at the noise the metal rack made as its locked wheels skated for a second before the whole thing slightly tipped. He saw the clerk right the display and attend his focus on the woman; who stood where he had only moments earlier. Turning back to look at the stones that lay scattered in a shallow box of sand, he investigated the sheen and weight of each stone. Some were heavier than he expected and others lighter.

            What the man had been fixated on the whole time, she could not figure out. There were ordinary accessories and random objects, nothing noteworthy. Even the tiny hourglass, which albeit was severely out of place being that she’d seen a couple other somewhat larger ones somewhere around here, was otherwise ordinary. So many ordinary things; nothing held her interest here. Nonetheless, she reached out towards the hourglass in its little case. When she had it in her grasp, she found it would not budge.

That, that piece of junk; the clerk had identified what the man must’ve been looking at. Surely she must’ve seen what caught his gaze. Although, she seemed undecided in picking it up or not though her hand was upon the piece. Some money could be made here. Both customers interested in the same piece. Maybe it had value the clerk was unaware of. Best to assume that though, raise the price.

            Crossing the counter area, he peered in at the glass case beneath. Watches and other various expensive objects were locked away. He smiled at the idea of someone buying something like that from such a shady place as this. A store that served him in the very least as a break from the storm beyond the door, which raged with such ferocity at the moment that the windows occasionally shook. Having warmed up sufficiently, he decided to take one last look, going the way he’d come to exit the store.

It wouldn’t move, so it made no point to keep hanging on to it. She frowned in disappointment. The hourglass was as she had already decided, a mere ordinary object; and even this odd occurrence didn’t raise its value in her mind. She moved along around the store.

            The clerk, noticing his bird was getting a little agitated by the storm, returned to his position behind the counter. The clerk then placed a towel over the cage to shield the bird from the noise, but more importantly to shield himself from the squawking.

            He encountered the woman at the vintage hat shelf. They traded places and he took one last look at the hourglass as he began to pull down the case of the umbrella.

The clerk noticed the man’s returned interest.

The woman noticed the man’s returned interest as well.

He noticed something, peculiar. There was sand in the left half of the small hourglass. It certainly wasn’t there before. This piece was certainly worth something. Before he could ask the clerk for the price of the item, the woman arrived at his side.

She stood next to the man, waiting for his next action. Maybe the object was merely heavier than she it appeared and therefore too difficult to lift. The man must be able to move it; though, he would certainly have some difficulty.

The clerk rushed over to the customers in the corner. He followed their gaze to the hourglass in its container.

They just stood next to him and stared. He didn’t bother with paying them any mind; instead, he grabbed the hourglass’ container and lifted it to his face. He looked at the miniscule pieces of sand in the object and observed that they did not leak into the other side of the time piece.

She was amazed at how easily he picked up the item.

The clerk was confused as to why these two took such interest in the object.

Suddenly, the man watched as the sand began to swirl within the half of the hourglass. Granules of sand shot to the other end and each one made him feel, unsteady. Then he saw out of the corner of his eye, the clerk quickly disappeared, but backwards; the woman soon after, in the same fashion. Then a second him stepped away from his body and he watched as the past few minutes of activity in the store replayed themselves, but backwards. Amazed and afraid to put down the piece, he held onto the case that contained the hourglass. Upon his other self’s exit, he looked back at the piece in his hands. He watched as the last few grains went through the narrow space between the two halves. Looking around, he saw the room was empty, but he heard talking in the back of the store, beyond a door. Rather, it was a loud argument of some sort. Intrigued by the mysterious hourglass, the man walked toward the door. The voices grew louder and suddenly one became worried. A shot rang out, then another and another.

The clerk exited the backroom into the store and saw the man holding the time piece in its case, looking dumbfounded.

The main door opened accompanied by lightning then a clash of thunder. It was a just a few seconds before the wet man saw himself by the counter. It was definitely him, but dryer.

The clerk ran back through the door from which he had so recently come from.

The man watched as his dry self smashed the object in his hands and pulled something out of the debris.

He turned the hourglass around, and watched as the sand began to shoot towards the other side. The past few minutes rewound. He walked through the door as the last few pieces of sand went through. Standing behind the clerk, time continued forward. The shouting ceased when the victim saw the man appear behind the clerk.

The clerk turned around to see what had taken the victim’s attention. He pulled out the gun but as he did, the man lunged forward, tackling the clerk. The would-be victim ran off through the store. The man wrestled the gun away from the clerk.

After retrieving the gun, he tossed it into a corner and went after the clerk. They went out the back door and down an alleyway and onto the sidewalk. Soaking and sloshing their way through the few people on the streets, he chased the clerk. The clerk shoved the woman from the store and the man stopped to help her up. That’s when he decided to try the hourglass once again. He reached into his pocket for the hourglass and found something else in there. He pulled out two hourglasses. Confused he turned just one in caution, returning the other to his pocket. He watched as the scene reversed itself. Watching the grains transfer themselves, he went back to the store in time for the last grain to pass through. As time started back up, the gun shot sound caused him to drop the hourglass. A smoky substance rose from the shattered time piece and surrounded the man’s head. Deciding against being rained on, he pulled out his umbrella. He then noticed an open store and ran in as a bolt of lightning struck somewhere and thunder followed.

The clerk looked up from his duties of wiping down the glass counter top with watches beneath.

Religious Sanity

2/16/12

All so simple yet

We cannot fathom

Hope, faith, fear

Crowd our hearts

For the spirit to bare

Flesh is mere

For the flesh to bare

Spirit is ultimate

That is to say

For God to bring forth

Flesh unto creation

Is simply fantastic

But for creation

To bring forth

Spirit unto God

Is marvelous beyond measure

Given gifts that we do not use

That we cannot return

And still we yearn

For what we do not need

Forgive us for we have sinned

We have not lived the way

You strive for us to live

Each day

Loved, we are

And cared for

Need not a worry

For God is here

Promises Promises

1/12/12

Promises made to me from me

Like a present I knew about

Already.

An acknowledge more so,

A recognition of your deeds,

I say to me.

Promises, promises

They say when I

Make them.

But I, shall keep mine,

And I, shall keep mine,

Yet I, shall keep mine.

Promises made to you from me

Aren’t the same as those made from me to me

Though, aren’t they the same?

They both have the same validity

They both came from the same sea

From the ocean of my thought.

The rough waters of this plane

Are warm, with positive emotion.

Though they can be cool with the negative.

Cold inside, though by the fire

A flame harboring the love and care

Of those around me

I finally relinquish and finally let go,

I finally absorb it all and finally, I know,

Promises will be kept.

The promise of love

The promise of care

The promise of hope.

Hope comes to me,

Promised by me to me

I am finally free.